Natural Hunger

by Sean Haefeli

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1.
Looking out my bedroom window Wondering how far I would have to go to find you I must have been here before I must have been here a thousand lives I believe in love I believe in freedom I believe in the promises of change Looking out my bedroom window . . . You know that I'm afraid, so I've shaded my heart I don't expect much, things do fall apart But pride in my fear is no freedom I know it's not your style but I believe in expressing what I'm feeling I believe in love I believe in freedom I believe in the promises of change Looking out my bedroom window wondering how far I would have to go to find you
2.
Let Go 05:28
Let go of what you're feeling, if what you're feeling is wrong Let go of what you're thinking, if what you're thinking is wrong Let go of why you're living, if why you're living is wrong Let go, let go Don't you understand decent talk, easy living is not what we're asking for Pride considers you the fool, so tear down your altar If peace or happiness were what you wanted, we wouldn't talk compromise I see you as a man, I see you as a woman, no less But the beast that runs around this circus is human So most won't get around to checking if you're breathing Let go of what you're feeling, if what you're feeling is wrong Let go of what you're thinking, if what you're thinking is wrong Let go of why you're living, if why you're living is wrong Let go, let go
3.
Game 04:14
Rich as the vein tapping crude, but I'm sophisticated My sound's locked out the world, do I still make it Whose got love for me? Evaded the colors for too long to be baited into the race music Listen to it you will hear, something kind of clear The imbued relay the heat ray's intensity Brain cells break down on contact You've got to give it to me Thoughts deliver me, the flesh is word and true to fiction I'll never let them take my imagination "What you say?" I'll never let them take my "Yeah man, we were all out here waiting Watching, listening. Somebody might come along, see, call it home." It's like people walk and change comes slowly It's like people talk and game comes slowly Outside what I'm feeling, the stars might have an answer So, it's debatable whether you'll come around And if I sound should have to wait another hundred years Children will still receive their blessing
4.
Carousel 03:20
Children march through gunfire Yellow popsicle ribbons falling from the sky Cotton-candy dreams these soft brown eyes have never seen Love's winding down like a carousel Love's winding down like a carousel Swells the fearless on Drugged ambition they'll Maim your children and Fill you're prisons Children march through gunfire For a Cracker Jack Jesus They put it all on the line The deepest cotton dye from the reddest wine Love's winding down like a carousel Love's winding down like a carousel Swells the fearless on Drugged ambition they'll Maim your children and Fill you're prisons Soon we'll run, through daisy-strewn fields Cottonweed blows, with the clouds at our heels Soon we'll fly, through a watermelon sky Son takes his bride, on a southern ride
5.
Enough 04:42
I've been enough places I couldn't tell you where I've been Maybe it's to forget It's frightening how the time I've wasted catches up Passing me by, never letting up I wish someone could tell me how I could change my ways And I could get my life together I wish someone could tell me I was standing at the edge And ready to be falling Enough pain, enough sorrow Enough starlight I've stolen from the midnight sky I've seen enough stages And watched the world float by In too many lonely eyes Even if I didn't try to hurt you The faces of my memories get me down Don't tell me this is just another runaround When what's sacred comes unwound I wish someone could tell me how I could change my ways And I could get my life together I wish someone could tell me I was standing at the edge And ready to be falling Enough pain, enough sorrow Enough starlight I've stolen from the midnight sky Only to say goodbye
6.
Disjointed 03:08
Bones in the fire, I'm scheming already She's caught up, with chicken wire tied round her neck She only takes me, no mistakes me Tongues trip the wire that once held me steady I'm standing on street corners asking for names Only takes me, no mistakes me Toys, humanity Destroys some sanctity Come save my soul Come save my soul Which way to go I just don't know
7.
Density 06:21
There's a dense and heavy room where iron mirrors look like windows to a pitch black sun Insanity wrenches time and across the hexagon of walls move solid shadow Sight bleached, darkness mind, sight bleached, darkness mind Happiness is the dream we've been waiting for We've been waiting for some sort of answer, or some sort of question, to inspire Happiness is the dream, we've been waiting, for some time (Background vocals) If I could separate from myself, happiness, the dream I could hear her calling, dream My mind conceives a child, like hell she's going wild My mind conceives a child, like hell Happiness is an elusive obsession, a substance of the will A substance of desire, a substance subject to manipulation She moves with the devil the dead sea, Breaking the calm, her blasphemy Cuts to the bone and dislodges me Distorting reflections, she lies to me (Vocal Layers) Like hell she's going She lies I could, I could hear her calling Happiness the dream
8.
Guess I was supposed to love you Somehow I didn't feel it that way At a time I thought I needed you Somehow it didn't turn out that way It's been a long and winding road Last Winter almost did me in It's been a long and grinding road And they say that truth is just around the bend Hope you've moved on now Though I think of you, I won't return Hope you've moved on now Hope there's happiness Someone who will love you Someone who will love you
9.
Blur 03:51
Blurring love and hate, the procedural liar Lies in bed with you, lies in wait And at the unexpected hour, expect he'll turn As for restlessness, there's impermanence to blame Natural Hunger Your tender arms wrapped around me, my snakelike tongue squeezing you And when the last of your defenses has fallen You should know I'm leaving you Being master of self-deception, could it be that this is true Could it be, I'm not the predator, but a victim, just like you Blurring love and hate, the procedural liar Lies in bed with you, lies in wait And at the unexpected hour, expect he'll turn As for restlessness, there's impermanence to blame Natural Hunger
10.
Atmosphere 03:08
Meditate without the breeze and still I'm floating on air Breathe in the atmosphere of a rarefied groove The blue mood uses serious sound frequencies Pitched with the ontology of your enlightenment Know what it meant to be a slave, know what it means to be free Know what it means to take life seriously Buddha mind walks the breeze Time breathes like air Perceptions cut the atmosphere into a 3-headed groove Hips move to the physical sound frequencies Pitched with the ontology of your enlightenment Taught the fear of a slave, felt the passion to be free In her words, you could never take life too seriously Live the way they come, die the way they go Easy way they come, hard the way they go Leave the way they come, come the way they go Hard the way they come, easy way they go
11.
Drift 07:48
Sleep comes slowly Three past the witching hour This night, unholy Flesh can't hold me Three past the witching hour This night, unholy Lost and restless Heaven's gates have all rusted The muse of light has gone The screeching siren's song Suggests the world is busted So I hate to pass the time alone Night's full crescent Though the day keeps on guessing Can words replace what's prone To slip through hands of stone And feed on bottom So I try to keep my heart away Uncontested rage has me pressing To prove the devil wrong Who clipped my daddy's song And was never brought to justice See, the anger pulls my mind undone In the dark recesses, forgiveness is tested And tears prepared this song, when I staked my life upon A photograph of heaven And the world appears to drift away
12.
Soon she'll dance in the fire Smooth white skin won't protect her Chased away the devil from his easy going home People in this town, mysterious Built this maze out of shattered glass and fear Her death won't come easy Soon she'll dance Walk these streets of muted sensation Sidewalks reek of urine And the sign of devastation blinks Twenty-four hours Till the neon burns out And fury emerges from dry darkness Wanting and remembering Wanting and needing Needing dry darkness to bite To the right of being human To borderline suicide or savior Soon she'll dance in the fire Smooth white skin won't protect her Chased away the devil from his easy going home People in this town, mysterious Built this maze out of shattered glass and fear Her death won't come easy Soon she'll dance

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released February 2, 2002

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Sean Haefeli Berlin, Germany

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